so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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