im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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