Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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