i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
