I puked a lego.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
