You work out of a Hotel?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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