Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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