I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
