Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
