Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
