I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you win again, gameday.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
