It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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