Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
