Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
