Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When did angry sex become our thing?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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