he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
