whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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