Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
