this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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