if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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