She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
