Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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