there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
