im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
