I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
