I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Terrible idea I love it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
