And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
