one might say we're banned from that church
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
