i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
