this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All the doctor said was why
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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