I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
how does that bad decision feel?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
