I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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