im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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