What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
