after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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