I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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