I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
