I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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