oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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