Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
