Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
