Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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