Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
