i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
