I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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