I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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