I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They have beer where we have blood.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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