Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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