Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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