I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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