oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
