Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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