You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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