Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
