sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
