when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
