Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
