I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
