A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
