Who did Billy Mays play for?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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