u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
