she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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