You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry about my life...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
