Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
