I love black thongs
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
