all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
