what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we're making bets on your personal life
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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