NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
