its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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