When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
