i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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